- Liberals Aren't as Divided as They Think
- There Aren't as Many Gay People as You Think
- There Aren't as Many Gay People as You Think - Pacific Standard
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Liberals Aren't as Divided as They Think
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Please avoid using "homosexual" except in direct quotes. Please also avoid using "homosexual" as a style variation simply to avoid repeated use of the word "gay. Identifying a same-sex couple as "a homosexual couple," characterizing their relationship as "a homosexual relationship," or identifying their intimacy as "homosexual sex" is extremely offensive and should be avoided. These constructions are frequently used by anti-gay extremists to denigrate gay people, couples and relationships.
The gay men in straight gangs I spoke with knew precisely what was expected of them: Being effeminate was a nonstarter; they were all careful to present a uniformly masculine persona, lest they lose status and respect.
Likewise, coming out was a huge risk. Being openly gay could threaten their status as well as their safety. Despite the dangers, some wanted to come out. But a number of fears held them back.
Would their fellow gang members start to distrust them? What if the other members got preoccupied about being sexually approached? So most stayed in the closet, continuing to project heterosexuality, while discreetly meeting other gay men in underground gay scenes or over the internet. As one man told me, he was glad cellphones had been invented because he could keep his private sexual life with men just that: One particularly striking story came from a member of a straight gang who made a date for sex over the internet, only to discover that it was two fellow gang members who had arranged the date with him.
There Aren't as Many Gay People as You Think
But they had more flexibility. In the hybrid gangs, members felt far more comfortable coming out than those in purely straight gangs. It was also more acceptable for them to project femininity, whether it was making flamboyant gestures, using effeminate mannerisms, or wearing certain styles of clothing, like skinny jeans. They were still in a gang. This meant they needed to clash with rival gay crews, so they valued toughness and fighting prowess.
Men in gay gangs especially expressed genuine and heartfelt connections to their fellow gang members. These were their friends, their chosen families — their pillars of emotional support.
There Aren't as Many Gay People as You Think - Pacific Standard
They questioned if being tough or eager to fight constituted what it should mean to be a man. But this created its own tricky terrain. I think I might be gay or bisexual — how do I know? Putting a name to your feelings Often it takes a while to begin thinking of yourself as gay, lesbian or bisexual, or another sexual identity. What can I do now?
Read more about understanding your sexuality. Check out ReachOut Forums - a safe and monitored space to hear from others discussing issues around their sexuality. Try the ReachOut NextStep tool to get personalised support options for exploring your sexuality. Tags Sexuality Identity and gender Article Learn more.