- Is 14 a good age to start dating as a gay teen? - Quora
- Searching for love in the age of online gay-dating
However, now I viewed them differently.
Is 14 a good age to start dating as a gay teen? - Quora
I was less concerned with torsos and more with profiles. I found that there are indeed a healthy number of people who use these sites to seek out, dare I say, relationships. There is something in the anonymity of these sites that makes conversation easy and I have made a number of friends whom I regularly chat with. The professional dating sites like Match. Having spent my life as a professional communicator, I have to think I am at least a decent storyteller. I sent more than a few emails and received pretty much meager results.
Now, I am not model material but I am not roadkill either, so I was surprised. Anyone who has certain ZIP Codes in their profile I pass on, as I am very down to earth and suspect I would have little in common with some of the more elite digits around L. Further, anyone who has "sitting by a fireplace," "walking on the beach" or "staring longingly into each other's eyes" is passed on.
I have been in two long-term relationships, and anyone who has been can tell you that you spend more time fighting over who's going to take out the trash rather than looking at each other adoringly. So I look for those who have been in relationships, or who at least seem to be grounded in the realities of life.
Searching for love in the age of online gay-dating
More L. Affairs columns. Bars are not an option for me; they are bacterial breeding grounds for insecurity. I don't need that at this point. Dating is so vastly different now. People no longer talk, they text — incessantly. You have to understand, I stopped dating before the age of the Internet, so there have been 21 years in which a new infrastructure had been built up that I had not been privy to, but again, I am rallying. I have never had a "type" and in the past was attracted to those older than myself; they generally had more to say and I appreciated their knowledge and understanding of self.
Now the rules have changed. Someone 20 years older than me would be in their 70s, so not the same feeling.
And I am a really "young" I like Coldplay, can still make it up the trails at Griffith Park, have been known to savor a musical or two at the Pantages, and have a very open mind and heart. So the people I am conversing with are younger. When I say younger, I did not plan for a person in his mids to become part of my new landscape for the four months he did — and no, I did not pay for it.
I have to give credit to this person, he was the first one in 21 years who got me to open my heart, as bruised and battered as it was. It felt wonderful and painful and I was able to experience the Hollywood Bowl through a new set of eyes. We had a lot in common, but in the end, the age expanse made a difference. We spent many a night talking until 2, 3 in the morning, but I get up at 5 a.
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I remembered at that age, those were common hours to keep. I also found I had to explain pretty much everything; as intelligent as my friend was, he simply did not have the experience. So we're on hiatus, most likely permanently. I made a date with an esoteric 40s guy with a man bun whom I had chatted with for several months.
He was great and an interesting guy, but lit up a bowlful on our first date at my Sherman Oaks home. I am not a judgmental person, but I decided this was probably not a good fit. I have had absolutely no problem having people express their interest in me, but I have to admit terms such as "papi," "daddy" and "sir" are not conducive of the lens from which I choose to perceive myself. Dating in your 50s is very freeing; I have absolutely no neuroses about whether the people I meet like me or not, or whether I said the right thing, or if the clothes I wore on a date were the right choice.
At this point in life, it is what it is. And I say, "love me, love my bald head. What I am finding is that my lifetime of experience, and all the joys, love, entanglements and, yes, pain, have made me a person of worth, value and strength. And I am finding that that is far more attractive to people than a set of six-pack abs.
The author, who is a marketing professional, spends his time between Los Angeles and Palm Springs and is now dating someone he describes as "age appropriate. And in some cases, it can find the older man branded a pervert or manipulator while his younger counterpart is dismissed as a gold digger. They began dating three years ago after meeting online. But the age gap worried me, even though the more time we spent together, the more we got on.
And soon I realised I was being prejudiced about younger guys. Dennis, 29, adds: Age differences between gay couples are much more common that straight ones.
Freud might encourage the assumption that there are a few father issues for both the younger and older man. We may see manipulation, a life crisis, one being kept or something worse. However, an age gap relationship can be functional and successful if built on solid foundations with mutuality. Gay age gaps like that between Tom and Dustin are nothing new.
Oscar Wilde was 36 when he became involved with the year-old Lord Alfred Douglas. Stephen Fry made headlines in when he started dating actor Steven Webb, despite their year age difference.
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And designer Calvin Klein was 48 years older than his ex-partner, model Nick Gruber. But that nine years was enough for Joe to be on the receiving end of a flurry of nasty Facebook messages when the two began dating. But when it came to talking about my relationship with James, I got so much hate online. If I post pictures of us I will get more than messages saying they want to sleep with him.
The age gap comments were a whole new level of nastiness and jealousy. At one point I even thought about ending the relationship; it would have been so much easier to go out with someone my own age.